Nate Blogs About a Movie From Six Years Ago So You Don't Have To

And that movie is

[drumroll]

The Butterfly Effect

Starring none other than Ashton "Look, I started dating Demi when she was forty and hot and I guess I didn't really do the math because I guess I'm going to be 33 and she's going to be - what? - 50?  Is that right?  No, that can't be right.  Really?  50?  God, I didn't think this through.  50?  50?  What the fuck, man?  What the fuck have I done?  I'm a professional male model and a movie star!  What the fuck?  Fuck!" Kutcher.  That's his real legal name.  No kidding.  Look it up.  [Editor's Note: Don't look it up.]

Let me preface this by saying that I watched The Director's Cut of The Butterfly Effect.  From what I can cull from the Wikipedia, it differs significantly from the theatrical version, including a wholly different ending which drastically changes the tone / meaning of the film.  I suspect the Director's Cut also includes quite a bit of supporting material that helps hold the film together, as this is the sort of stuff that tends to get cut, the effect being that the resultant film is nonsensical.

So, why are we talking about The Butterfly Effect?  We're talking about The Butterfly Effect because it's my goddamn blog and I can blog about whatever I want.  Also, I'm out of ideas.  Three or four hundred blogs later, I got nothin'.  Nothin'.  Here's the scene I want to discuss.

It goes a little something like this:

[Ashton is led through a prison as prisoners pelt him with refuse and taunt him.  He arrives at his cell.  Ashton's cellmate is present.]

Cellmate:  So, your first time in the joint?

Ashton:  Ummm, yeah.  So . . . ummm . . . can you protect me? 

Ding!  Ding!  Ding!  And, yes folks, I just checked with the Guinness people and we officially have a winner in the category of "Shortest Time Elapsed in Movie History From Entering a Prison to Offering to be Somebody's Prison Bitch."

Come on, Ashton.  You've got play the field a bit, see what's out there.  What happens if your cellmate is already somebody's bitch?  Then what?  You're the bitch of a bitch now?  Is that even possible?  I mean, that can't be a good thing, right?  The bitch of a bitch?  Not good, right?  Doesn't the prison have some sort of bulletin board where you can go survey potential, ummm, I don't even know what the word is.  Protectors?  Sure, let's go with that.  Protectors.

So, all I'm saying, Ashton, is ask around, get some references, talk to some people.  You know, put yourself out there.  When it comes to prison protectors, you really want to find the best one for you, one that fits like a glove . . . errr . . .  ummm . . . God that's just a poor idiom to use there.  Anyway . . . Remember: Deciding whose prison bitch you're going to be is a big decision and one that should not be taken lightly.

I GOT MY SONG ON THE DAVES OF THUNDER PODCAST!

I don't think I've ever mentioned this in Internet Land, but I'm a big Adam Carolla fan and listen to his podcast on a regular basis.  I'm also a fan of the Daves of Thunder podcast, which is one of the shows on Carolla's ACE Broadcasting Network.  I've actually been listening to Dave Dameshek since back when he was on ESPN radio.  The show plays listener submitted songs on a regular basis, so I wrote a song using samples from the show and submitted it to the show's producer, Jacuzzi Pete. a few weeks ago.  And never heard a word.  Then on the next podcast the Daves make a big deal about how Jacuzzi Pete is at home really sick, so I figured that it's just my luck that I submitted the song when he's ill and it probably never got listened to.  I'm at home today, furloughed for the week, listening to the newest Daves of Thunder podcast and playing video games when -

http://www.adamcarolla.com/DNDBlog/2010/12/19/episode-lvii/

You can start listening at 19:40 when the Daves provide some context for my song - "I'll Be Your Sink" - (you'll definitely want a little context because it won't make much sense otherwise).  Of course, the song is then followed by Jacuzzi Pete mentioning that he forgot who the hell I'm am, followed by me having a minor heart attack.  Eventually he finds my name and mentions me at the 25 minute mark.

And mispronounces it.

As everybody does.

Sigh.

Baty!  Long A!  Like Warren Beatty!  Not Batty!  NOT BATTY!  Oh well, at least it got in there.  Here's a higher quality version of the song -

http://music.nathanbaty.com/music/I'll Be Your Sink.mp3

Hopefully the song will be listed on the website's fan songs page  - http://www.adamcarolla.com/DNDBlog/2010/08/11/fan-songs/ at some point.

Quick Question -

So, if someone were to spend a few hundred dollars on a nice leather chair for his desk, does it still count if he always has to keep a large bath towel draped over the back of it because his cat is essentially a flying monkey with knives for hands?

Like this, but even knifeyer and more tearing-expensive-leatherier -

Craig Kilborn - He's Dead, Right?

What?  No?  He has a TV show?  A TV TV show?  Like not some sort of TV podcast-thing?  Huh.  Weird.  Well, as we all know, the internet does not lie.  It can only love.  And host approximately twelve billion hours of porn.

Good, Cleveland! Your Hate Has Made You Powerful!

This is my 1,432nd attempt at creating a popular internet meme.