Did I mention I recently got a 3D TV and cable? Well that might explain the lack of blogtastic blogs, as my life now revolves around watching approximately 7 hours a day of 3D boxing, reruns of That 70's Show, and programs about how aliens built the pyramids. God I've missed you, cable. Welcome home.
But anyway, time to get back to doing what I do best.
Blogging, I mean.
Man that's sad.
Since my last blog the US has had its credit rating downgraded from AAA to AA-plus by Standard & Poor's. I think they also took the little gold star away from our rating. Maybe a smiley face or two as well.
Standard & Poor's is a division of McGraw-Hill. Think about that for a second. The WORLD ECONOMY is currently being dragged into a financial maelstrom by A COMPANY THAT PUBLISHES TEXTBOOKS FOR CHILDREN AND AVIATION WEEK.
Yep.
So let us now turn our attention to those countries which have been deemed the best places to keep your money by a company whose major assets include television station KERO-TV, an ABC affiliate operating out of Bakersfield, California. I believe that there is an episode of Wheel of Fortune airing later tonight if you are at all interested and within 30 miles or so of Bakersfield.
Australia
A perfectly fine place to keep your money though it should be pointed out that one out of every three bank tellers in Australia is a kangaroo wearing a people mask.
Canada
Honestly, there's about a 32% chance that all this grief we're taking in the world press is going to cause us to lose our shit and take you over, Canada.
Denmark
Hamlet is from there. So they got that going for them. I honestly couldn't find it on a map.
Germany
LOL . . . no. Just . . . no. So I guess we've all sort of decided to turn a blind eye to that whole losing two world wars thing? It's not like it happened 400 years ago or something.
Holland
Hypothetical question: If Holland detached from the Netherlands and subsequently sank, how long would it take before anybody else noticed? Two weeks? A month? Longer? I suppose at some point our college students who were heading there to smoke pot would be confused when their airplane landed in the ocean.
Norway
I like black metal. I like black metal a lot. Also, the country has recently been in the news because a mad man decided to express his hatred of Muslims by . . . killing scores of blue-eyed, blonde-haired kids. Yeah, that's . . . that's confusing.
Singapore
Wait, isn't this country mostly known for sex-change operations and caning people? Sure, give 'em your money. What the hell. Caning makes perfect sense. Wait - it isn't 1927? Oh, well then hold on for one second . . .
Sweden
Death metal! I like me some death metal too. This country also did do a great job of hiding gold for their masters, the Nazis, so maybe it is a good place to keep your money.
Switzerland
But as much as Sweden loved that sweet, sweet Nazi gold, it can't hold a torch to the Swiss. Did you ever notice that you can rearrange the letters in "Switzerland" to spell "Nazis R We Ltd?" Yeah, think about it.
Austria
Is this still a country? Really? Are we sure? This isn't one of those things where we forgot to take it off the map after WWII, right? Actually a country? You're sure? Okay, I'll take your word for it, internets. But if I look at a globe tomorrow and see it next to the Ottoman Empire, I'll know something is up.
Finland
Whatever.
France
Okay, now you're just trying to piss me off.
England
So a small island country that is currently engulfed in riots, that has a queen despite the fact that it's not 1437, that was at risk twice in the last hundred years of becoming New Germany, is a better place to keep your money than the USA? You know what? Do whatever you want with your money. I'm going to go figure out what all this Real Housewives fuss is about.
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