Incepscape

I watched Dreamscape on Netflix's instant streaming service last night. It's a sci-fi thriller about people entering other people's dreams. It was pretty good, but I liked it better the first time when it was called Inception.

In other news, I thought I had stumbled across some satirical website - like The Onion - when i saw this headline -

Women who post lots of photos of themselves on Facebook value appearance, need attention, study finds

The actual website? The Los Angeles Times. And it's an actual study from an actual university, the University at Buffalo. Well, perhaps I'm throwing around the word "actual" a little loosely here.

Let's Try to Work Through This Together

http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20393387_4,00.html

Okay . . . deep breath . . . it is recommended that you consume more than this amount of fat per day. Recommended! By the government! So if you only ate two of the patties somebody in a lab coat might tap you on the shoulder and point out that you're barely consuming half of the amount of fat recommended for daily consumption by the USDA. Eat up, skinny! What? Do you want people to think that you have an eating disorder? Do you? No, or course not! Eat the other two patties now! Now!

And keep in mind that this is for women! Nate can probably order the sextuple burger. Mmmm . . . sextuple.

Who's the head of the USDA anyway? Is it this guy?

It's this guy, right?

Pelvic What Now?

I

 That. Sounds. Painful.

Very.

Painful.



II



SXSW: the best of geek chic

Geek Sex: Hooking Up at SXSW

SXSW helps new technologies gain prominence

SXSW: Sexual survival guide for geeks

Hot, New Technologies Converge at SXSW ‎

Geek Spring Break Starts At South By Southwest


I'm confused. When I was a kid, SXSW was a hipster musicfest filled with guys with ironic beards and Buddy Holly glasses. Basically, it was as if a swarm of River Cuomo Clones descended on Central Texas to listen to the Robert Pollard and drink Pabst for a week. When did it become Comic-Con and the Macworld Conference rolled up into one? With lots of awkward geek-sex? Did I miss a memo again?


III


Depressed dads more likely to spank

Yeah? Really? No shit, Sherlock.  Did you need a study to find that out? Did my tax dollars pay for this? Wait a second? What? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh . . . I see. You're talking about spanking kids. Kids. Oh . . . okay . . . ummm . . . never mind . . . just, um, I had something else in mind entirely . . . forget about it. Moving on.

Wait . . . . Are We Trying to Throw Lindsay Lohan in Jail Because She Put On a Necklace and Forgot She Had It On?

Is that what we're doing? Hmmm . . . I see. Look, kids, I understand how we as a society need to destroy her. I get it. Nate's cool like that. I'm "down." But can't we wait until she rolls her Benz some morning and kills three kids at a bus stop or stabs an assistant to death with the heel of her Dolce & Gabbana pump because he got her the wrong size latte? Also, until forty seconds ago when I googled "expensive women's shoes," I assure you that I had no idea what the fuck Dolce & Gabbana was.

Do you want to hear the story about the one time I stole something? Well, something other than women's hearts and $236 from a Chevron one moonless, cold night back in 1999. That cashier's screams still haunt me. Please, I have a family! Wait - forget that last thing.

Okay, the one time I stole something. It was probably eight years ago at a Blockbuster Video. If you're reading this in 2014, go ahead and google "Blockbuster Video." I'll wait.

I can't remember what video I was renting. Let's pretend it was something good. So I was waiting in line with my copy of Bio-Dome . . . The Pianist when I decided to grab a Coke from one of the fridges they strategically place right next to the checkout line. I must have been almost half way home before I realized that I had the Coke in my hand and had walked out without paying for it. And do you want to know what I did? I went home and I drank that Coke and it was the sweetest Coke I had ever drank. Like God Himself had popped open a vein and out flowed sweet, sweet Coca-Cola. So, the lesson is, kiddies, steal. Steal a lot. And expensive things too. Wait . . . what the fuck was I talking about?

Oh yeah, Lindsay.

Is she single?

Charlie Sheen Makes Fifty-Million Dollars a Year to Play Make Believe and Dress Up and You Struggle to Make the Payments on Your '98 Toyota Corolla

I was listening to Bill Simmons' podcast today and he had on as a guest  Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs author Chuck Klosterman.  They were discussing Charlie Sheen's recent . . . ummm . . . shenanigans. At some point, Bill and Chuck talked about how these . . . shenanigans . . . might cause people to revisit Two and a Half Men and see it in a new light. A new light? What other light was it ever seen in? I actually discussed this way back in 2006 -

http://www.myspace.com/nathanbaty/blog/170071475

At least that Charlie Sheen show is coming on.  That's actually a kind of funny show because some execs at CBS had this conversation:

Exec 1:  Hey, you know how Charlie Sheen is a rich, womanizing, boozer?  Let's make a show where he's a rich, womanizing, boozer.  That'll be the entire show.  Just Charlie Sheen drinking and picking up women and being rich.

Exec 2:  I don't know . . . doesn't sound like it has enough family appeal.

Exec 1:  Well, then we'll toss a kid in there.

Exec 2:  Charlie's going to have a kid on the show?

Exec 1:  We can make it his brother's kid.

Exec 2:  Could the kid be fat?

Exec 1:  Fat's funny, sure!

Exec 2:  Yeah!  High-five!

Exec 1:  High-five!

(Execs high-five)