Wednesday, July 28, 2010

An Ode to the Greatest Moment of The Price is Right

The moment I'm referring to happens during the Showcase and involves the first contestant accepting the first showcase offered, only to be crushed when the second showcase is then revealed to be several orders of magnitude better than the first.  It goes a little something like this -

Bob Barker: Let's see our first showcase!

Rich the Announcer: Our first showcase starts off with . . . a new 50 inch flat screen TV!  But who wants to stay at home watching television when you can take . . . a trip to an exclusive resort spa in Spain!  But that's not all!  You're going to need a ride home when you arrive back at the airport, so how about you take that ride . . . in this new car!  All this can be yours if the price is right!

(Crowd Applauds)

Bob Barker: So, Mike, do you want to pass or bid?

Mike:  I'll bid, Bob.  Ummmm . . . Thirty-two thousand six-hundred fifty dollars!

Bob Barker: Thirty-two thousand six-hundred fifty dollars!

(Crowd Applauds)

Bob:  And what showcase do we have for John, our second contestant?

Rich: Well, Bob, our next showcase starts with this new car!

(Crowd Applauds)

 Rich: But we're not giving you this car . . .

(Crowd is confused)

Rich: No!  I'm afraid this car is just a rental.  You see, every night for a month, you'll park this car at Lover's Point where . . . five, yes, that's right, five, Price is Right showcase models will take turns orally pleasuring you!

(Crowd Applauds)

Mike:  Wait, what?

Rich: Let's hope you have some energy left after the Festival of Fellatio, because on the last night, you're going to drive your car just up the road to . . . a demolition derby!

(Crowd Applauds)

Rich: Yes!  Compete against fifty other drivers in a no holds barred balls to the wall contest of man and machine!

(Crowd Applauds)

Rich: You're going to need a vacation from all those blowjobs and car crashes, so luckily we've booked you the first flight to . . . Dinosaur Island!

(Crowd Applauds)

Rich: Dinosaur Island!  Situated somewhere in the Atlantic and unknown to both the general public and high-ranking government officials, Dinosaur Island is truly an exotic paradise, a paradise where Price is Right scientists have spent the last two decades painstakingly manipulating lizard DNA in order to create whole new races of massive dinosaurs!

(Crowd Applauds)

Mike: Bullshit!  This is bullshit!

Rich: Spending all afternoon riding dinosaurs is enough to make any man a little hungry.  Good thing you have dinner reservations at Dinosaur Island's exclusive Excalibur Castle with . . . the Batman!

(Crowd Applauds)

Rich: Yes!  Dine with the Dark Knight himself!  Maybe he'll even take you out for a spin in his . . . no, wait. . .  in YOUR new Batmobile!

Mike: I did not know that these were things you could win!

Rich: Every mysterious island paradise has a few dark secrets and Dinosaur Island is no different.  So, I ask you, what's a trip without a little . . . hunting?  Yes!  At the conclusion of your trip you will hunt the most dangerous of all game . . . Man!  Thirty unwilling participants abducted from an exclusive resort spa in Spain -

Mike: What?

Rich: - are just waiting for you to strike them down with your arsenal of assault rifles, chainsaws, and rocket launchers!

(Crowd Applauds)

Rich: All this can be yours if the price is right!

(Crowd Applauds)

Bob: John, your bid please.

John:  All the money, Bob!  All!  The!  Money!

(Crowd Applauds)

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