Introducing my newest segment, where I rewrite movies for your enjoyment. First up -
Morpheus: So you see, Neo, the machines are using these helpless humans as an energy source.
Neo: Wow. So they're using them as . . . batteries?
Morpheus: Correct.
Neo: That's horrible!
Morpheus: Yes, yes it is.
Neo: But, Morpheus, I have one question.
Morpheus: Ask me anything.
Neo: It's just, wouldn't that be horribly inefficient?
Morpheus: What do you mean?
Neo: Wouldn't it be horribly inefficient to use humans as an energy source? The machines would have to provide the people with some form of nourishment to keep them alive. Why wouldn't the machines use whatever they are pumping into the people as the energy source instead?
Morpheus: I'm not sure I follow you, Neo.
Neo: Look at it this way. Say you have a car. And say you fill that car with gasoline and then you run that car on a huge treadmill that powers a generator.
Morpheus: Okay.
Neo: It would be much more efficient to use the gasoline to power the generator instead of using the gasoline to power the car to power the treadmill to power the generator.
Morpheus: Hmmm. Interesting. I'll think about that. But right now we really should get going.
Neo: How could some highly advanced machine civilization that enslaved all of humanity not know something so basic?
Morpheus: Come on, Neo. Enough questions. Let's go.
Neo: It just doesn't make any sense . . . and now that I think about it . . . why is some old guy in designer sunglasses and a full-length leather jacket offering me magical pills and talking about going through the rabbit hole?
Morpheus: Neo . . .
Neo: Ummm, you know what, it's cool. I think I'll just wait here for a minute.
Morpheus: Neo, let's go. Now.
Neo: I'll . . . ummm . . . I'll catch up with you.
Morpheus: Look here city boy, you best get your sweet little ass moving 'cause you ain't going nowhere nohow. You dig?
[Dueling Banjos Plays]
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